The Raw Truth
by adelek
Summary: When Jeremy sustains a major injury to the chest, nobody knows if he will survive. Blaise is on her own, and she doesn't know how to feel about it all. My take on what happens after Volume 13 Chapter 5.
1. Chapter 1

**First time writing CoD fanfiction! Oneshot that got out of hand, so now it's split into three chapters. Story takes place after Volume 13, Chapter 5. Spoilers. All characters belong to Cause of Death.**

**Dedicated to the lovely Shirley, who motivated me to finish this piece.**

**Jeremy's POV**

Time slowed to a snail's pace as I lay there, alone on the ground, bleeding from my chest wound. It hurt to breathe, and I began to freeze in the chilly air. A dark cloudy-ness blurred my vision. Was this the end? Did everything in my life lead up to this point? All the speed and accuracy in my limbs from before could not help me avoid the knife. In the end, I was just another of the fallen to the infamous Ghost, and that insured my imminent death. As I drifted and the world spun around, I succumbed to the darkness and closed my eyes…

"Jeremy! _Oh, god, Jeremy!_"

Footsteps pounded the hard pavement. The image of blonde, shimmering hair and eyes that could match that of a glittering ocean in the setting sun swam in my vision.

"Jeremy! Jeremy!"

Callused hands with a gentle touch flitted on my face. My angel. Sweet, fiery Blaise- No! I can't leave her, I refuse to! Not now when she just started opening… up… to…

And then she was gone. _I_ was gone.

**Blaise's POV**

I heard one lone gunshot outside, before a car peeling out of the parking lot registered in my mind. As I ran outside the building, I saw… "Jeremy!" Oh no. He's on the ground, he's not moving, I can barely see his chest moving, and- blood. Lots of blood. His usually pristine outerwear was covered with it. His blood.

"_Oh, god, Jeremy!_" No. NO.

I didn't get to him in time. I had failed him. My mind was screaming at me, _No! This can't be happening! No No No No No NO NO. _I lay my hand gently on his head, smoothing down to his cheek, so ghastly pale and cold compared to his usual healthy tan and warm body. His eyes, normally full of mirth, now gazed up at the sky listlessly. Could he even see me? Did he know that he wasn't alone? I took one of his hands and held it in my free one, desperately trying to warm him up, but it was a feeble attempt. As I sat there, numbed, the only thing I could do was hold his hand in mine. How pathetic of me, to only be able to do this, willing to do this now, when he was-

I could hear the door open behind me, which meant… "Ah hell!" "No…" The cavalry had come, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. Whipping my head to turn to them, I glared. "Don't just stand there! Get a goddamn ambulance!" I was mad, spitting mad, but on top of that, I was scared. The fear had numbed me so that I had forgotten to call for the medics myself. And that's why, maybe, I wasn't enough. I couldn't think properly around him. I never could, but especially now, when he needed me the most.

And then, his eyes closed.

"Jeremy?" Nothing. "_JEREMY?!_"

By this time, I had blocked out anything else. I left the duty of reporting to the lieutenant what had happened to Mal and Natara. They would be able to deliver the report just fine. And when the ambulance arrived, I insisted upon riding in the back with J. I couldn't bear being away from him, especially not now. But no, nope, not at all. They just _had_ to refuse me, even with my glares and later, pleas, but to no avail. They left me standing outside of the ambulance, fuming, until the other two had to drag me into their car.

The ride back to the city was silent. They knew I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, unless it was- I sighed. There were some murmurs up front, but I paid them no mind. Before I knew it, we had arrived in front of my apartment. I could barely muster out a feeble "thanks" and leave the car, but I could not escape the inevitable.

"We're here if you need to talk." I could practically see Natara lowering the window, her expression forlorn. In response, I turned my head to the side for a moment, and then ascended the steps into the building. On autopilot, I went through everyday actions emotionlessly: waiting for the elevator, going up to my floor, unlocking the door, taking a shower… It wasn't until I crawled into bed that I let her words echo in my head.

"We're here if you need to talk" soon turned into _"… I'm here if you need to talk."_ His words from this morning at the precinct came back to haunt me. Sitting upright, I grabbed the nearest pillow and held it closely to me, head bent, my chin resting atop the pillow. Clutching it to me tightly, I took a deep breath. I could faintly make out his cologne, subtle but enough to get me kicking on other days, mixed with another scent that was distinctly Jeremy.

_Plop._

He had left behind his mark last night, before I had been called away to my mother's side in the early morning. He'd lock up for me when he left; he had a spare key to my apartment, after all. Now, though, the pillow only served to remind me that he wasn't next to me, that he couldn't possibly be here with me. Instead, he was alone in a hospital, a stark place filled with the odor of ammonia.

_Plop._

Was he in surgery at this moment? Would the doctors be able to save him?

_Plop. Plop plop._

Was he going to come out alive and well, to make smartass remarks to my sarcastic quips? To call me out on my stubbornness on relying only on myself? I buried my face into the pillow.

_Drip._

Would he be able to tease me about my fear of spiders? Fake being asleep next to me when I knew he had been awake, watching me in the early morning? Wrap his arms around me when he sensed I needed reassurance?

_Drip. Drip._

I raised my head and let out an angry wail. Only after I had punched the pillow repeatedly did I realize it was damp. Leaning forward, I clasped my fingers around the pillow again, bowing my head and did the only thing I could do behind closed doors.

I cried. Uncontrollable sobs wracked my body. I hurt everywhere, but mostly, it was my heart. The pain was worse than that time the cannibal bit me, much more intense than all the injuries I had sustained from the job _combined_. And the fear—my "fear" of spiders paled in comparison to what I was feeling right now. I was absolutely terrified. With shaking hands, I turned on the light on my nightstand.

How did I get to this sorry blubbering mess? I'm Blaise Corso! _Blaise!_ I don't have the time or patience to have feelings other than laugh at people like Kai, or glare at Mal and the Fed. I like to hunt down mobsters for a hobby! I'm not some touchy-feely princess, good grief! And least of all, I don't let anyone in, because nobody ever stays around for long.

…except for Jeremy.

When did I make him the exception? How did he get past all my defenses?

"_Hey, look… if you reeeeally have no life, then yeah, you can come over to my mom's and give me a hand someday." "Good. 'Cause I have no life." _

Despite the tears, I smiled a little to myself. That baby-faced idiot, so happy about something so… so insignificant to other people. But he's a special one, isn't he.

"_I still care about you, and I'm there for you, whether you like it or not."_

And then the dam on the waterworks burst through again.

…

"If I'm so insignificant, you should pull the trigger already."

"Oh, I don't think so. I have plans for you, and I'm not going to leave you any choice…"

No. "NO!"

Gasping for air, I opened my eyes. My breathing was ragged, and I could hear my heart beating wildly.

The nightmare was back.


	2. Chapter 2

I eventually woke up to the sun blinding my eyes. Ugh. Oh. I must have forgotten about the blinds yesterday. Damn, why do I feel so tired. I'm utterly wrecked. And what is with the stupid incessant buzzing?! Arg. Reaching for the phone, I winced from the daggers of pain shooting up my torso. Oh yeah, there was that run-in with the Ghost and-

_Oh._ Jeremy.

Jeremy!

Oh god.

It was now high past 9AM, and- yep, the guys down at the precinct had left me some messages. I should probably head in now.

But what I really wanted to do was bolt down to the hospital. With a heavy heart, I stumbled out of bed.

So I probably should have listened to my messages instead of simply noting who had called, because apparently, the Ghost had gotten to Angel early this morning. Well, how was I supposed to know, I was too busy wallowing in some personal problems. Although to be fair, since Angel had stolen one of our unmarked cars, we should have known where he was headed, what with the GPS and all. Oh, wait, so he knew where it was and detached it or something? Then that's not my division, is it?

Hm, no sign of Mal or Natara. That's odd…

"Corso! Come into my office, please."

Well, this can't be good, why does Charlie boy need me all of a sudden. … I _hate_ one-on-one talks, especially with Chuckles.

Closing the door behind me, I remained standing and stared at his face.

"Yes, how may I help you." Faking a sweet voice is pretty easy when it just oozes sarcasm.

"Don't use that tone with me! I'm temporarily suspending you from the case. You can take care of that paperwork stacked up on your desk. That is all, you may leave now."

Refraining from sputtering and the whole flying-into-a-rage thing, since that tends to not get me what I want because I easily get on his bad side, I tried some cool reasoning this time, accompanied by an icy glare. "May I ask for the reason of this sudden change of events?"

He had a comically jovial expression. "Ah, I see we've learned. Here's the thing, I know you have some things going on in your life right now, so I am worried about your performance in the field. This morning's happening also may have uh 'contributed' to this decision." Just as I had opened my mouth about to retort on what I thought about _that_, he held up a hand and continued. "You'll still be coming in to work, except you will be stationed at your desk. You are NOT to take the files home with you to work on, is that clear?"

At this point, I was confused. We could always take home some files; that was a longstanding policy! What was he trying to do?

He looked up from his own paperwork and stared back at me. "You may _leave_ now, Corso. And please close the door behind you." And then he just went back to his stupid papers?!

Exiting the room, I stood there in front of the door, mulling it over. There was something odd about his words. He had emphasized something… _"You may _leave_ now, Corso."_ Wait. He had stressed "leave," but for what purpose? Slowly walking to my desk, I sat down and opened the first file. Lifting a pen, I was about to write when I began to fume. This was the worst assignment ever! I could be hunting down that Ghost or even just respond to some dispatch call in the city!

_Or_, a small voice in my head piped up,_ you could be visiting Jeremy._ I bolted upright. Did he just hand me a free pass to leave? Damn did it seem too good to be true, but hey, I wasn't about to pass up on that offer. Taking my jacket from the back of my chair and flinging it around me, I snatched my keys and left the front door, but only after grabbing a glazed donut from a box. Wonder who was nice enough to get several dozen…

Sitting in the car, I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel. Ugh. Why is there still traffic at this time? Don't people have work or school or something? God. Get out of my way! Fools. I do NOT have time for this.

And then, I heard an odd sound. I _felt_ it. But I couldn't pinpoint the cause. _Yesss._ Finally! We're moving. Alright. Time to hit the pedal. By the time I had pulled into the parking lot, it was close to noon. Oh god, is that what the weird noise was? Did I lose the ability to know when my body was telling me to feed it? Hell. I spied the donut I had wrapped up in a few napkins and took it out of the car with me. Damn straight I wasn't going to be found collapsed at a hospital because of hunger.

Already finished with half of the donut by the time I walked in through the doors, I instantly felt much better. I managed to finish the other half before I reached the front desk. Quickly wiping my mouth before chucking the napkins in the nearest bin, I stepped up to the nurse on hand.

"Hello, do you know where I can find a Jeremy Redbird? He was… rushed in last night."

"Oh, Jeremy! Do you mean that cutie with the puppy dog face? Poor guy, lost so much blood…" Um, excuse me? When did she get so chummy with the dork? "You can find him in the ICU on the 7th floor, room 702…"

Muttering my thanks, I hurried off. Luckily, there was an empty car open when I reached the elevators. Once inside, I jabbed the "7" button once, and then went at the "close" button several times. That seemed to do the trick; the doors closed almost instantly.

**? POV**

"Wait! Miss! I've got the wrong information, he's been mov-"

**Blaise's POV**

I blew some air up at my face. Leaning against a wall, I sagged down along it. If anyone I knew saw me, they probably wouldn't even recognize me. Ha. Just some hunched over lump with a mop of blonde hair. Hell, _I_ didn't recognize myself- _ding!_ Well that was a short ride. Sighing, I stood up straight again and tugged at my clothes, pulling on the hem, fidgeting with the sleeves. As I stepped out of the car, some signs on the far wall greeted me, which made his room much easier to find.

But when I got there, only a nurse was in the room.

Standing there dumbfounded, I could only stare at the otherwise empty room. My thoughts were going a mile a minute. _Where is he? I swear the nurse told me he was in room 702. Where could he be? Did something happen? What if his condition got worse? Oh my god oh my god ohmygod no No NO._

My confusion must have shown on my face, because the nurse kindly turned to me and asked, "Ma'am, are you alright?" Wait a minute. Did she just _ma'am_ me? She's probably older than me! Oh, hell no.

I cleared my throat. "Miss. I was told that Jeremy Redbird occupied this room. Why- Where is he now?"

"Oh, you're looking for that adorable young guy? They moved him out."

Trying hard not to narrow my eyes, I opted for leaning against the doorframe. "Out? To where, then?" Jesus, wasn't that dummy in critical condition, _on the verge of death_, when he left the crime scene? When did he have the time to socialize with all these nurses? Good god!

"Don't worry, he's in good hands. I think he's now down at the 3rd floor, room 308? Should be somewhere around there-"

"Thanks." I stalked off towards the elevators. Once again in the private confines of my own car for the short ride down, I threw my hands up in the air. "Ugh!" Is this some alternate universe thing, or some cruel joke? Seriously, after that roller coaster ride of emotions, _this_ bull gets thrown in my face? What is this? _Ding!_ … Stepping into the hall, I went off to the right to check where the room would be. I vaguely noticed that the doors from the car next to the one I had gotten off of were closing. Nodding in satisfaction after reading the signs, I headed off in search.

**? POV**

Natara breathed a sigh of relief, a smile gracing her features. "I'm so glad that he's okay." Mal agreed whole-heartedly and reached for her hand, rubbing circles on the back with his thumb. Hand in hand, they exited the elevator and made their way to their car.

**Blaise's POV**

Man, it feels like it's been forever since I started walking around, just how big are these rooms?! Hands swinging, I almost missed room 308. Facing the door, I paused. I tucked some hair behind my ear. I folded back my sleeves. I swallowed several times, and my throat was still dry. I stopped. Looking up at the number again—wait. When had I started staring at my shoes?—I straightened up and took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. What was so difficult about crossing the threshold? Hadn't this been what I wanted for the past nerve-wracking half day? Why was I holding back now of all times?

_Blaise. No one is holding you back but yourself right now. Think about it._

…

Alright, alright! Yeesh.

I knocked softly on the door, once, twice, three times. Twisting the doorknob, I slowly peeked in. There he was, lying flat on his back, a thin blue sheet barely covering him. Stepping in quietly, I closed the door behind me with a soft click. As I padded over to his side, I noticed that he was restless, even in slumber. Gingerly setting myself onto the chair beside his bed, I placed his hand in mine. It was warmer than when I had last held him, but not by much. Tiny alarms went shooting off in my brain, but I tried to shove them out of my mind. When I looked back up at his face, his features had softened, not as distressingly agitated as when I had first opened the door.

Sighing faintly, I aimed my conversation to the headboard. "Oh, Jeremy…"

I knew that I had to get something off my chest, but I didn't know where to begin. So I went with the first thing that popped up in my mind.

"Why are we here, Jer? Enjoying the view on your back? That only happens at your place or mine. So why are we holed up in such an unwelcoming place? No queen-size bed, not enough pillows for a pillow fight…" Nervous laughter escaped. Was that me? That couldn't have been me.

I sobered up. "Seriously, though. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with me, helping me out at my mom's place? You told me that I shouldn't have to go through that alone. You promised you'd be there for me. Didn't you tell me to be careful yesterday? Why didn't you take your own advice? Why did you have to take that knife, Jeremy? Are you trying to leave me, as well? You could have just t-told me, you know." I could feel myself shaking, just a little, but I noticed it, and I was getting anxiety.

I sniffed. Absent-mindedly, I murmured, "'Poor bastard never had the stones to tell this check how he felt. Now he's dead. I guess that's life for you.'" Oh god. No. No way. The irony from my own words came to bite me back. The love note that was never sent—did that bodyguard regret it in his last moments of life? Would this be our fate, too? No. NO. Absolutely not. I refused to go down that path, because…

"I n-need you, Jer. I need you. P-please s-s-stay with me…"

As I dropped my head beside his hand, I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Not able to contain my emotions, I sobbed into the bedding until I had exhausted myself, and fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Jeremy's POV**

"Hey, guys. Sorry for being such a downer. Thanks for dropping by, though, I'll catch you on the flip side." It hurt to laugh, however weak it was. The doctors had said I was safe, but barely. Just that little encounter with Maltara was enough to drain me, but apparently not enough to get rid of the college try…

I drifted off to sleep and dreamed that an angel serenely descended upon me. It was calming but- was my time up? Was this how it would all end—alone, bedridden, half-delirious? My body clenched up, automatically going into fight-or-flight mode. This was not promising at all.

A soft touch enveloped my hand. It was pleasantly warm, and instantly I relaxed.

"Oh, Jeremy…"

I… I know that voice. I'd know that voice anywhere! Blaise, my beautiful, hot-headed, trigger-happy angel. Heh. Figures that I would be dreaming of her, even during this time. No, _especially_ during this time. I had been fighting to stay—because of her. The memory of her hovering over me, calling to me… and the terror, the sheer panic in her voice was enough to anchor me back. I couldn't leave her then, and I couldn't leave her now. How could I bear to leave her alone?

Did I just imagine her joking about our sex life? That is so like her, though. But believe me, once I get out of here fully intact, I will _not_ be on my back. No more.

I must be more out of it than I had thought possible. Just how heavy are the doses of meds they have me on? "…alone…" Next thing I know, I'll be dreaming that she finally lets down her guard and tells me how she really feels! Ahaha. Nice one, self, very nice. If I could, I'd probably laugh myself silly and then slap myself.

"Are you trying to leave me, as well? You could have just t-told me, you know."

Oh. Oh no. What if- What if she really thought that? That I would leave her? No. She wouldn't think that. Of course not.

Of course she would think that. The morning of that fateful day—was it really only yesterday?—when she was so adamant about being on her own. That… that broke my heart. Nobody deserves to be left behind like they were unwanted. I couldn't even begin to imagine, but at that moment I had really wanted to hold her close to me and soothe her troubles away.

But I couldn't. As much as I needed to do that for her, and for myself, I couldn't. The precinct was full of prying eyes, and… And she only wanted us to be _that_ kind of buddy with each other. Right. But I know that deep down, she does care for me, on some level beyond that. She had as much admitted to it anyway the day before. But was it too much, too greedy of me to ask for more? For her trust, and for her… love?

Alright, that should be the _last_ possible thing on my mind when I'm confined to a bed like an invalid. She'd never-

"'Poor bastard never had the stones to tell this check how he felt. Now he's dead...'"

And then I felt it. I felt a droplet of water on my hand, and then another, and another. What? What was going on? When did dreams go all 4D on you?

…

If that was really Blaise- And I felt the- So I'm _not_- my time isn't up yet? Thank the gods! I still have a chance to prove to her I-

"I n-need you, Jer. I need you. P-please s-s-stay with me…"

I… I had not been expecting to hear that from her. So unless I was right about dreaming if- when she would conf- _open up_ to me, then… is this real life? Or am I still in a haze and this was all just wishful thinking?

But… but the crying, _that_ couldn't have been fake, though, right? Because I could _feel_ the dampness seeping into the mattress.

I was wrong. _This_ shattered my heart. It hurt so much to hear her like that, to be able to feel it. I didn't want to see her in any pain, least of all over me. Lying here, unable to do anything—I felt so useless. I couldn't comfort her; I couldn't pull her close to me. Never had I been more frustrated with life.

Slowly, I realized that she had gotten quiet. Deep breathing, and then all of a sudden, I heard a low murmur. "Jeremy…" Groggy from sleep, I opened my eyes tentatively. She had fallen asleep, eyebrows furrowed, as if in deep concentration. Or agitation.

Out of nowhere, I was bulldozed over by the fact that Blaise was actually here. I had not dreamed of an angel visiting me. She was here, and she spent so much time on- Did that mean-? Was what she said true? That monologue couldn't have been an illusion.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I smiled. Gazing at her glossy hair framing her troubled face, I could not help but reach out and lightly brush her hair over her shoulder. I pulled back to admire her in the afternoon sun. Tear tracks were still visible on her face, glistening on those proud cheekbones. Summoning all my strength, I moved my arm forward again, this time to gently brush the moisture away. The small action roused her from her short sleep, and I didn't know if I regretted that or not. My eyes met her stormy blue, and then they cleared.

**Blaise's POV**

Mmm, why did I wake up? Wha- When did I fall asleep? Looking up, I found Jeremy's warm coffee-colored eyes trained on me. Wait. They're open. He's awake. He's awake! He's… awake? My eyes must have popped out of my head, but nothing mattered, nothing else but him. Pulling the chair forward, I gripped his hand in mine, placing it on my cheek.

"I was so worried! Are you okay now? Do you hurt anywhere? Do you want some water? I can get some for you, really. I-"

I stopped. I couldn't believe the words tumbling out of my mouth. I knew I could be a motor mouth, but I never rambled. Never.

But I didn't care. Not now, anyway.

Throwing caution to the winds, I leaped up and hugged him to me. I didn't even register how uncomfortable it felt on top of the tiny bed, because he was like… home. Burying my head against his neck, I couldn't help the tears that started to leak out.

Breathing was difficult, but I had to let him know. In a small voice then: "I couldn't imagine never seeing you again, Jer. Y-you don't know how ha-happy I am to s-see you-u alive." And then I couldn't speak any more, so I hid in the crook of his neck because of the embarrassment. Well, now he knew, and I couldn't stop the shaking.

His raspy voice by my ear calmed me bit by bit. "Blaise… help me up so I can see you."

I shook my head. "No, here is fine." I could feel my face heating up.

"You would deny a simple request from an invalid?"

I glared into the darkness. "Yes. Yes I would."

That puppy-dog helplessness creeped into his voice. "Please?" I could imagine his face, all cute and pouty, like a little kid denied candy.

"Alright, alright, but just because you asked nicely."

I sat up on the bed and looked at him before helping him sit up as well, propping up his pillow and pecking his cheek before sitting down. Shrinking back from the unconscious move, I crossed my arms and looked at anywhere but his face. Now is most definitely _not_ the time to blush, Corso! Stop it now!

"Come on, Blaise, sit closer to me." I could hear the smirk in his voice as he patted a spot by his thighs. I glared at him before gingerly scooting over.

"There, are you happy now?" I knew that he knew I was grumpy only because I had let my feelings get the better of me. So I did the only thing I was always okay with.

I punched him in the arm. "You jerk! You had me all worried and my emotions were like tidal waves and all you can do is smirk at me. You haven't even talked much yet and you're already insufferable. I hate you."

"Ow! Bla-aise! You're not supposed to punch invalids!"

"Yeah? Said who?"

"I did!"

"Well, that doesn't count, so too bad!"

"That's not how things work!"

"Oh my god, shut up!"

"Make me." He had on a devious expression. I swear, that is _not_ normal for someone who _just_ woke up from a life-threatening event. This guy is really something.

"You asked for it, buddy."

Without even thinking, I leaned in and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer to me before I closed my eyes and kissed him, slowly, sweetly, until I ran out of breath. Moving back, I kept my eyes closed and drank in the air. When I had caught my breath, I slowly opened my eyes to find him staring at me.

"Mmm."

"What?"

"I missed you, too, Blaise." He had a soft smile on his face. Before I could respond, he added, "You taste sweet."

"We-e-ell, I _did_ get hungry on the way, so I had-"

"Wait, wait, let me guess." And with that, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward to him, kissing me softly. "Strawberries?" "No." Kiss. "Pancakes?" "No-" A longer kiss now. "Cake?" "N-" And then a lingering kiss. He cupped my face gently, holding me in place. Looping my hands behind his neck, I held on for dear life as he gave me the sweetest string of kisses I had ever experienced. My eyes started to get a little misty.

After some time, we pulled back and simply gazed into each other's eyes. I felt so content and didn't have a care in the world at that moment. Jeremy was my world, I knew that now. I had to treasure our time before… anything else happened.

"…I had a donut before coming here … Don't laugh!"

"Ahaha, okay, okay, I won't. … Hahaha!"

I had a sneaking suspicion. "Wait a minute." I glared at him. "Why did you come up with such ridiculous guesses? Cake? _Cake_? And you never let me finish answering!"

"Heh. A true gentleman does not kiss and tell." His smirk faded away to a sheepish expression. In a low voice, he mumbled, "Although I may or may not have guessed that it was a donut…"

"You little…" And then he put his hands up, as if surrendering. I smirked. "Much better."

"So… once I get out of here, would you… would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?"


End file.
